Creative Ideas for Recovery from Incest

You're beating up on yourself? criticizing yourself? shoulding yourself? not pursuing what you need? calling yourself stupid, dumb, weak, wimpy...? A friend of mine would jump all over me for doing that and demand, "Stop beating up on my friend!!!" Another survivor, dc,  now tells me whenever I do a good job taking care of myself, "thankin YOU for trying to keep TCOMFing."

Brenda created TCOMF and dc created the 'ing on TCOMFing (Just like the icing on the cake!).

'Take Care of My Friend ing."

Please TCOMFing.

"Self-criticism or self-judgment is self-hatred. It will always hurt you. There is no exception to that." Dick Olney

I belong to a survivor's online mailing list where for me it's like going to a 12 step meeting online. e-mail for info.

"As long as you're in cyberspace I'll never be alone." Mary

I was reminded me of the recovery guideline "remember how many choices you have."
when dc e-mailed and gave me permission to post this:
this be another one of those papers T (Therapist) had us do to help figure what Choices are - Thanks for listening. love dc

CHOICES

options, opportunities, decisions (got these out of the dictionary)
choices take many forms (this line and the rest be from dc)
some come easy some seem forced
some seem impossible to confront
at first lite all choices are made by those in power
but as years pass we each are expected to form our own
that task alone is real hard to learn
often feeling empty with no where to turn
we must find that place on our own or continue
down a twisted path created by those with choices in our past
choosing when your all alone is done without a thought
its when other souls are also a part that the choice most often
must come from your heart
knowing yourself is a needed tool
without that knowledge old words scream thru
fiting off the demons and ghosts from the past
isn't easy and doesn't last
unless the choice is made within
to let yourself be for real
with all your insides able to feel
whatever it is they need to survive.

I read a few fiction books about survivor heroines. I wrote Dannielle Steele that her heroines became characters I could incorporate into my recovery. She wrote me back.

"This seemingly bottomless pit that you feel to be in is dark and scary.When i was at my lowest - i would describe to my T how i felt to be in a deep dark well surrounded by stagnant and foul smelling water. And one day it suddenly felt to me that a ladder was in place to get me out. My friends were my ladder. But first i needed someone to shine a light so that i could see the ladder. Let the light of love from all in this room be your torch To help you to see the ladder. And then when you want to climb it - be assured we will all hold on to it tightly for you, to keep you safe."

Heather xxx

Dead End - morbid gifts for you and yours - especially for perpetrators
http://www.bodybags.com/

One of the over riding memories i have is helping someone to name a tree by the name of their abuser. It was in the pitch black - in the middle of the woods and she beat the living daylights out of it with a toilet brush ( it was the only thing we could find at the time!) After that - she was so freed of her anger and pain. It occured to me what a dreadful thing to do to a poor innocent tree, (trees are important to me - one particular one hid me from more abuse) but i went back to it a few days later and hugged it and thanked it on my friends behalf. And to this day i swear that the tree hugged me back, reminding me how strong it was and how wonderful it was to let something else LIVE.

Heather

Go to a color copy place and make several copies of each picture and if a certain picture really jumps out at you make an enlargement of that one.

1. I did Persona Work (Carl Jung did this with his patients) with my childhood pictures of myself and my childhood home.This is simular to work people do sometimes to be able to integrate their selves but it does not mean that you have seperate personalities it is just that you are working with your inner wounded children. My therapist had me do a series of Picture Collages with pictures of myself and I even put a name to each of them. I had a loving parent, a critical parent and myself at different ages when I was abused (I was abused from 4-15 so I named them different names, names that I would of liked) Then I wrote my feelings I felt, what I liked about myself at that age and I cut out other pictures of things that I liked and put them on the collage. I have a whole series still and they were very healing and helpful in my healing process.

2. Another thing I did is to focus on the picture and see what would come to me and then journal my feelings

3. I also make 2 masks of myself with my plaster, then used them for mold and made 2 clay ones. When I finished them I did a collage with pictures of myself as an abused child and decopaged them over the clay mask. For the second mask I found pictures of myself now (that I liked of course)

Denise Lewis

i pinned up photos of myself as a child to my walls. I found it very hard to believe that i was not in some way responsible for my abuse as there were more than one abuser.
Every day i would look at my photos and slowly came to see myself as the small and innocent child that i was.
Despite my husbands protests i then pinned up photos of my abusers - and despite the hurt this caused it helped me to see them for what they really were.
A few weeks later i enlarged a photo of the 3 year old me to poster size and pinned that up next to my abusers. The large photo next to the tiny ones of my abusers was somehow very empowering. I was bigger than them!!!
Looking at photos is very painful but helped me to move forwards in my therapy very quickly.
I dont know if any of this makes sense to you - each of our journeys are different but The photos were very important in helping me to validate my own feelings.
Heather

Reach for the Rainbow : Advanced Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse. One of the best creative recovery books.
In association with Amazon.combooks, music and videos recommended by Don't Fall Until You See the Whites of Their Lies.

One of the symbolic ways i have of releasing things is to write whatever it is on a helium balloon. I then climb to the top of the hill and release it. I watch it till it goes out of sight. And then i go home.
Heather

I'm sending myself a mother's day card for being a wonderful mother to my inner child.

An anti-depression kit contains the following :

An eraser, so you can make all your mistakes disappear.

A penny, so you never need to say you are broke.

A marble, in case someone says you've lost all of your marbles.

A rubber band, to stretch yourself beyond your limits.

A string, to tie things together when everything falls apart.

And hugs and kisses to remind you that someone, somewhere, cares.
Contributed by Heather Barker

Here's to the crazy ones,
the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers,
the round pegs in the square holes,
the ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules
and they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them,
glorify or vilify them.
The only thing you can't do is ignore them.
Because they change things,
they push the human race forward,
and while some may see them as the crazy ones,
we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough
To think they can change the world
Are the ones who do.
Think Different!

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