February 23, 2000

Ann Landers

C/o the Daily Breeze

5215 Torrance Blvd.

Torrance, CA 90503-4077

Regarding 5/3/2000 “Molestation victims shouldn’t hush up crime”

Dear Ann Landers,

Eleven years ago I had a horrific breakdown at age 35 remembering repeated rape by my father, who had died 10 years earlier. My mother said, “One day you’ll thank me for having kept these secrets.” I learned my 14 years older sister had a breakdown at age 21 remembering more than 30 years earlier, when my twin and I were 7 years old. She called both parents for several weeks confronting them. At that time, her therapist was not obliged to report the abuse.  My sister moved back home several years later a single mom with 4 daughters. Two of those daughters had breakdowns remembering before I did. They all demanded I keep silent.

A year earlier my niece’s 4 year old daughter was watching a tv public service ad about bad touch. She described to her mom, one of the daughters who’d had a breakdown remembering, oral sex.  My little grandniece had a vaginal infection, and her father’s roommate was a convicted pedophile, but she wouldn’t tell CPS what she told her mom, so her father wasn’t convicted.  My sister convinced her daughter that my little grandniece must continue visitation because, “After all, that is her father.” My sister was repeating a decision she’d made for herself 30 years earlier. 

I wasn’t willing to be silent. My sister said, “No one’s been so loud about it before.”

My twin had a breakdown 10 years earlier missing my father after his death. She told me at the time that she had something special between her and dad that she couldn’t tell me about, “It’s a secret.”

All of my family disowned me.

I went on to speak, write and perform on the subject. I share my story to show how victims’ silence helps the crime move on thru the next generation.

I’m very well recovering, happily remarried, mother of 4, stepmother of 2, and 5 grandchildren.

Please sign me as “Now Thriving”.